Hooters

Me and my friends decided to go to a nice kid-friendly family restaurant to catch a bite to eat after school today. 

When we came in, our waitress Robyn seated us.  Since me niktita and denis were waiting for Armando to come, we asked the Robyn to keep his seat warm for him.  I think she was really into us even though she never looked at us whenever we said anything to her.  We started a little conversation with her and i told her about me being the star of the track team, the time when I saved 4 children from a burning apartment, and that other time when I discovered the cure for polio.  I then told her it was my 18th birthday today, even though i only had my 16th birthday about 6 months ago.  Since it was my birthday, she got me a nice new Hooters shirt and all the waitresses signed it. 

Even though i knew none of the people working there, they apparently all loved me, wishing me "Happy Hooters" and "Breast Wishes." 

And to anyone who still thinks Hooters isn't appropriate for children, you'll see that this picture will disprove any such nonsence.  Just look to the left of the picture above and you can see that Mexican father sitting with his daughter and son and their waitress with her butt falling out of her pants walking away in the background.  Why would he bring his little kids there if it wasn't ok?

They also put a big roll of towels in the middle of each table.  I think we all know the real reason why its there.  I'll give you a hint- Its not for the wings.  I'll give you another hint- its something denis does 3 times a day.

Then I danced with the girls. I looked really cool.  I wish my parents were there.  They would have been so proud.  In the picture theres a girl climbing a stool in front of me.  I can't remember why.

Well anyway, we all had a really good time, and me and Robyn are getting married in June.  You guys are all invited to the wedding

                                               Track in Review

For the past couple of months I've been an active member of the prestigious athletic department of the Begen County Academies. The track season is almost finished, so I've decided to take the time to look back on my career as a high school athlete.

When the season started, my first goal was to make friends so i wouldn't have to run alone. There was a very pretty girl my age on the team and figured she would be a great person to be friends with.  I switched to suave mode, worked the magic, and initiated a coversation.  When she asked me why i decided to join track i explained that  I run at home anyway and wouldn't have to choose any extra classes for the last semester. I told her "I'd be killing two birds with one stone."  She then told me she was a strict vegetarian and that my figure of speech was extremely distasteful.  To break the uncomfortable tension i had just created, i tried switching topics and offered her an altoid.  There's gelatin in altoids.  I shouldnt have offered her an altoid.

After many practices of running alone, the team had our first meet.  We drove up to the Indian Hills High School. The other teams had matching jerseys, shorts, jackets, and socks.  We were lucky if any of us had jerseys that said the name of our school.  The only things we had that matched were our calculators and pocket protectors.  The teams all warmed up in unified groups. Our team ran around a few times with our notepads in hand and inhalers in the other.  The other teams won medals and trophies. We came in last in every event.

Even though we always lost, we still cheered on our athletes while they were running.  I think the problem was that we were cheering eachother all wrong.  When I have a kid of my own I'm going to give him reasons that will make him run like hell.  I'd tell him "If you don't run faster I'm gonna leave you here" or "If you don't win this I'm gonna kill your dog Fido!"  When I told that girl this, she was utterly disgusted once again. I forgot she was a vegetarian. I also forgot she never accepted altoids.

Surprisingly, we fared much better in later competitions.  My coach was confident enough in me to put me in the mile race. since the start of the race, one runner from Leonia was running right behind me.  I could hear his every step and breath.  While running, I heard the Leonia coach yell out to him, "HE'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU- NOW GET ON HIS ASS AND RIDE HIM!!"  I was quite taken aback by the way that coach offered encouragement to his athlete.  But even more than shocked i was nervous.  I wasn't quite sure what he meant by "ride him," but I didn't want to find out.  The coach's comment urged me to run faster and i beat that kid by a whole lot.  Him NOT being able to ride my ass was all the motivation I needed.

All in all track  was a positive experience for me which went by very quick.  If you're reading this, please join next year with me so I can have at least one friend.

                                                 I'm Tired of Winter

Sure, winter break is coming up, but i really want it to be summer vacation already.  this weather stinks.  Thinking about it got me to think about  the last time me and my family traveled for vacation.

We went to Pennsylvania.  Thats my parents idea of a vacation getaway.  The first thing we did was look at Amish people.

Later we went to Hershey Park.  We rented a wheelchair and put my brother in it just so we could cut the long lines.  It worked.

Then me and my dad went on our first roller coaster

Theres the picture of me and my dad spending quality time together. I really can't stand the frame of the picture.  Its like those cartoon chocolates at the bottom are laughing at us.  If they were real i would eat them. 

We are scared.  It was the slowest roller coaster in the park.    MY dad's mouth was open so big he swallowed a bug and i was so scared i pooed my pants 5 times. 

Sorry that joke was disgusting.  My dad didn't really eat any bugs.

Summer break is in 6 months!

                                                        2004

How was your New Years?  Good.  I don't care. 

This was mine

Tonight my mother was supposed to take me to some big party hubabaloo  in the city - which hopefully could have accomplished her neverending mission of getting her first-born son some action.  This did not happen, of course.  Why? Because God hates me. 

Instead I spent New Years at home with my family, the television, and carbonated apple juice. 

I ushered in the year 2004 with twighlight zone reruns like every cool convention-going, comic book collecting, action-figure displaying ladies man out there.

"Isaac, you sound bitter."

No I am not.  I actually learned useful facts I probably would not have known had I gone and grinded with random girls to pulse pounding rap music.  For instance, did you know that FOX 5's time is retarded?  You see, both the FOX channel and the ABC channel have the New Years ball that drops when the clock turns midnight.  Well ABC's Ball came down at exactly 12 am.  FOX on the other hand - ho HO! - their ball didn't come down until it was a good minute and a half into 2004!  I spent the rest of the night writing them a letter informing the station of their screw-up.

 holy crap i never noticed these smily things before

                                            Happy Holidays

First of all, I finally changed my profile picture.  Its the 2003 annual picture at the mall with ol' st. nick.  I hate taking my picture with that bastard.  I've hated it ever since i found out Santa wasn't real- and that I was Jewish. But my mother couldn't care less and forces me to sit on his lap, shredding any ounce of dignity i have left.  Its always a horrible ordeal.  I stand on line with my brother while the little children in front and behind us snicker and stare at us.  I mean, its cool and funny when a bunch of teenager friends get up there to do it.  When 2 teenager kids do it because they are being forced by their mother, its just pathetic.  the only reason i do it is because my mom uses the "When I Die You'll be Sorry" guilt like all good Jewish mothers.  Thats weird considering shes korean. 

Im feeling festive. 

                                            Hanukah vs. Christmas

HISTORY--- Christmas is one of the most important christian holidays based around the birth of Jesus- the coolest cat in the bible.  Channuka is a minor jewish holiday in which people tried to kill us, like in most of our holidays.   WINNER- CHRISTMAS

MUSIC---  Christmas has pretty songs like "Carol of the Bells" and "Silent Night."  Hanukackask only has that goddamn dreidel song.  And barbara steisand.  WINNER- CHRISTMAS

MAJOR CHARACTERS--- Christmas has easy to pronounce poeple like jesus, mary, and joseph.  Chahachkanana has the maccabees and Antiochus and Matta Chidxiamzphjuhacs.  No one know how to say or spell their names.  WINNER--- CHRISTMAS

BILLS--Christmas has a ton of lights and decorations leading to king-size electric bills.  Cannukaka  uses 9 candles.  WINNER- HANNAKAMALAMMADINGDONG

SPELLING--- Christmas is spelled one way and one way only.  No one knows how to spell hannukah/ hanukkah/ chanukah/ channukah/ chanukkah/ etc.  WINNER--- CHRISTMAS

CHRISTMAS-4      HANNAMANUKAKOOKOOKACHOO- 1

                                           Yule Log

The yule log show really pissed me off today.  its really pathetic.  Not because its a nice fireplace simulation that lonely people watch,  but because i sat and watched it for 45 minutes waiting for something to happen.  wats really sad is that my dad taped it last year so he can watch it whenever he wants.  And wat the hell is a yule?